I have always considered myself clever. The idea that I’m a quick study started early in my life. I was proud to be perceived as intelligent for my age. There’s a story we share in my family about how much I hated peas when I was young. I know hate is a strong word, but the sentiment toward those mushy green dots was palpable.

When I was around 5 years old, we lived with our grandparents for a short period of time. My father was a military man, and apparently we were in transition before joining him in San Diego, Calif. In my grandparents’ house, I would always be the last person at the kitchen table after dinner. Everyone had cleaned their plates, went off to watch television or relax, and my grandmother and I were left in the kitchen for what would prove to be a showdown.

She would be cleaning the dishes while waiting for me to finish my food. Peas were the only thing left for me to eat. They were cold by then, and the butter or oil they were cooked in was solidified on my plate. My grandmother would remind me in a stern tone that I was going to sit there until I finished my vegetables. We had been here before, and I knew she meant it. So, I would put them in my mouth, and tuck them in my jaws without swallowing. She would ask me, “Are you finished?” Jaws full, I would mumble “Mmhmm,” and nod my head. She would excuse me from the table, and I would head straight to the bathroom (which, by the way, was right off the kitchen), and spit them out. What seemed like mid-stream, before I could even fully empty my mouth, or flush them down the toilet, she would open the bathroom door and look at me as if I had committed a crime. She would reprimand me with her words, and politely tell me to go pick my switch for the spanking I’d earned.

I can’t recall how often I pulled this stunt, but according to family fables, apparently it took me a while to learn my lesson even when the consequences remained the same. One of those times, I even picked a switch so small, it aggravated her so, that she had to pick it herself. At some point, I eventually learned I’m not as clever as I thought. It took me years to understand how I got busted spitting them out every time.

Hating something or someone is a strong feeling. It is visceral and deep, and many of us go to extremes to express this emotion toward a thing or person. I can recall having that feeling once in my life toward a person. It was so deep, the feeling surpassed the emotions I had toward peas. I was in my 20s. It was during that turbulent time in my life I wrote about two weeks ago. I felt someone wronged me, and I could not forgive them. We attended the same church, and I can recall how much energy I used on that feeling toward that person. Because it was so heavy, I had to ask God for help to heal my heart. There was no way I could do it alone. He healed my heart, and I was able to have a normal relationship with the person. The emotion eventually left completely. I have never hated anyone since, and pray I never experience that again.

Hate can bring insurmountable consequences, if it’s not healed. We see so much of it in the world, it can be traumatic. As human beings, it’s important for each of us to acknowledge that strong emotions about liking or disliking a thing or person will arise. If managed properly, it doesn’t have to turn into hate. In the workplace, we coin these sentiments under an intellectual phrase called “emotional intelligence.” Emotional intelligence is the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically. Having emotional intelligence is critical to building your personal brand.

We are so quick to judge someone else when we first meet them. We decide we don’t like the way they carry themselves or the way they dress. At times, we think we are so much better or holier than the other person that their actions violate our value system. We should be very careful not to project our feelings onto others. Everyone has a story, and the only story you actually know for a fact, is your own. Not one of us is perfect.

To become the best version of yourself, you will need to adopt the characteristics of emotional intelligence. Self-awareness, honest expression of your emotions to yourself and management of those emotions are critical steps you will need to take. And don’t forget empathy. That very person you judge, you may wind up crossing paths with later. Now is a good time to worry about yourself. Just as I’ve learned to tolerate peas, you can learn to accept those things and people you don’t like and are different from you. Start developing those skills today. Visit my website at www.yourpointofpride.com to see how I can help you do just that.