Twenty-two years ago, I relocated back to North Carolina on a wing and a prayer. I was scheduled to graduate from a master’s degree program in New Jersey and decided I wanted to return to North Carolina after falling in love with the state during my undergraduate college experience. To do so, I would need a job.

I sought advice from a trusted friend about the best way to job hunt long distance, her advice worked. After submitting over 190 resumes and cover letters, I heard back from two organizations – one corporate, the other non-profit. I pursued the corporate opportunity, drove down for an interview, and landed the job! Well, technically it was a six-month contract to do a job, but I accepted.

I announced the good news to my family, and didn’t share the gory details about the temporary nature of the position for obvious reasons. I took the $1,200 I had to my name, tucked my 8- and 6 year-old sons safely in my Hyundai and headed to North Carolina to begin work at a technology company. I stepped out on faith. I trusted myself. I trusted God.

I was reminded of that testimony a couple of weeks ago while catching up with a sister friend of mine. The conversation we had was painful to say the least. She updated me on new developments since learning a few months ago that her husband had been having an affair for the entirety of their marriage. We talked frequently when she first found out, and at that time – after hours of tears and walking through the heartbreaking reality that her husband had the affair and for the length of time he had it – she decided they would work it out. He swore it was “just sex,” the other woman “didn’t mean anything to him,” it was “a mistake,” he was “confused,” and it “won’t happen again.”

As she was discussing in great detail everything she had done to make it work – as if she had been the one who broke the vows – and the recent discovery that everything he swore to was a lie, her voice was filled with anger and gut-wrenching pain. I listened attentively and immediately inquired about the therapy she had been receiving since the initial discovery of the affair. My friend abruptly announced that she had completed her counseling, her husband bought her a “big and beautiful” new ring, and asked to renew their vows. She even texted me a picture of the ring. After I challenged her decision to end her counseling sessions, which she was pursuing alone, she exclaimed, “What I learned is, I know that I have to trust God, not man!” Before you breakout in your best praise dance, let’s unpack this a bit.

The cost of broken trust is extremely high. It’s measurable and typically shows up in ways unimaginable, including through our mental and emotional health. I’m a firm believer that true love shows up in word and deed. The two are congruent, not compliant. I’m not talking about deeds like fixing things around the house, car repairs, or cooking. Don’t get me wrong, this is a love language, too. I’m speaking of deeds related to duty of care for your emotional and mental health through character, integrity, ethical behavior, motive, intent, and in this instance, commitment to the vows.

I gave her feedback, as a real friend would, and stated that based on everything she’s shared with me to that point, it appeared to me that her desire was to hold on to her spouse at the expense of losing her mind, save her marriage for the sake of being able to say she’s married, prove the other woman was less than her, win, and save face among her friends, family and her church. I rebutted her claim about trusting God, and exclaimed back, “You don’t really trust yourself, or God!”

In times of trouble, we tend to take a deep dive into scripture that enables us to support our behaviors and decisions, and ignore those that are in direct conflict with them. While it’s easy to apply biblical stories of covenant, grace, resilience, favor, and triumph to save a marriage, the Bible also has stories about divorce, “side chicks,” fear, not being a fool, and loss.

Trusting God means just that – trust Him. It doesn’t mean turning a blind eye in a marriage where you’re being gaslighted, manipulated, and disrespected as you justify your spouse’s behavior through vows, covenant, and scripture. Trusting God comes with having faith in Him. It is stepping out blindly, believing that His will is greater and infinitely better than our desires and wants, allowing him to heal, sustain, protect and bless us as He sees fit.

Can God do anything? Of course! And, He doesn’t need our help. He’s loving, caring, merciful, and wouldn’t put you in harm’s way, and allow anyone to break you to your core while you wait for His answer to your prayers. This is not who He is, these are our choices.

We all have choices to make as we face life’s challenges. On the journey to becoming the best version of yourself, you will have to decide if you’re going to change your values so they match your behavior, or adjust your behavior to align with your commitment to yourself. If you are struggling to trust yourself, it is likely that you are having difficulty with trusting God.

As my six-month contract was coming to a close 22 years ago, and I planned to look for another job, my manager called me into his office and offered me a permanent position that would prove to be the beginning of professional and personal blessings in my life today. It wasn’t easy. Actually, there were times when I thought I would give up. But through every trial, God brought me out on the other side with a blessing beyond my small thinking and limited imagination.

Imagine if you saw yourself as a conqueror instead of a survivor and really trust God with it all.

Visit www.yourpointofpride.com to start the journey of becoming the best version of yourself.